I’ve been trying to work out for some time now, how to do less. I’ll write a book about it one day… when I have more time. Hubby has already offered me a title “How to scrape by through life”. It’s a great name for a book that offers easy advice on how to do the bare fucking minimum in this season of life. Something to flick through when all the hurrying from one place to another gets too much.
I heard something recently about how our lives are like the seasons. Our first season is like Spring, which we spend growing physically, emotionally and socially into ourselves and our surroundings. We transition into Summer when we start combining our lives with others (outside of our family of origin). We busy ourselves in careers and workplaces. We set up our homes, and sometimes this includes raising our own children and/or having animals. The season of Autumn is where we begin slowing down in our working lives, when our children are adults. We have more freedom over our time. If we have grandchildren, we care for them from time to time. Winter is our last season of life where we reflect on all that we have experienced throughout the other seasons, on the legacy that we will be leaving to the world, and the inevitable end of life that soon faces us.
This season of my life – the one I’m spending with my husband, building our home, raising children together and working to provide for everything – is like Summer. Everything is in full bloom, everything is growing, the sun is shining, it takes A LOT of energy to sustain all the growth and activity. Summer is busy. Life – in this season – is busy! I don’t know about your household, but in mine, often during the school term, Hubby and I can go weeks without having a meaningful conversation. Our interactions are based on logistics, who is doing what and when. Juggling all the school, work, household and social activities.
Sometimes I wonder what type of message all this “busyness business” is sending to our kids, to our future generation. We’re so exhausted by the end of most days that we plonk on the couch in front of screens, passively watching our lives pass before our eyes. We all just want to switch off from the world, and we do that by switching on screens. How ironic! On our phones, Netflix or whatever other streaming platform, we watch people do all the things, live all the moments we wish we could be living. Even worse, we’re watching miserable, depressing, or shocking images, day after day, ruining our psyche. Convincing our mind that the world is a scary, dirty place.
I read a book of short stories, a while back, written by a Buddhist Monk (Ajahn Brahm). One story is about a fisherman and a businessman. The fisherman heads out early morning and returns with his crew to the dock at lunchtime, with an impressive haul of fish. As he and his small crew are docking and unloading their catch, a businessman is passing by. Impressed by their catch the businessman offers some advice.
“That’s quite a catch you have there. Imagine if you stayed out for longer, you could catch twice as many fish as you have here. In a few years’ time, you could afford to upgrade your boat, catching double that amount again. Shortly, you could have a fleet of boats and many men working for you, even an entire fishing enterprise! You could set yourself and your family up financially. Then you could enjoy your retirement spending your afternoons with your family and not have to worry about work”.
The businessman sets out a “successful” life plan, up to retirement age for the fisherman, all while he and his humble crew are unpacking their fish and cleaning their gear for the day. The fisherman thanks the man for his interest and replies, “While all that sounds like a sure plan for success, I’ll give it a miss. I COULD do all those things and spend my years building up a fishing enterprise, OR I could do what I am already doing. Fishing until lunchtime with my crew, catching enough to feed our families and friends, and to make a living to pay for the things that we need. I am already blessed with enjoying my afternoons, spending time with my wife, watching my children grow older, and enjoying today”.
The moral of the story is to enjoy the NOW. This moment. The businessman is so fixated on this idea of a “successful life” that we’ve all been fed to believe. The striving and hustling to have it all! It is a trap. Based on capitalist ideals that we must work our asses off day-in-day-out to pay for all the things we need – the big house, fast car, expensive clothes, the latest gadgets, and everything else. As humans, there is not a lot that we actually NEED. But we WANT a lot! The constant wanting is what keeps us trapped. Comparing ourselves to others, wanting what everyone else has. We equate our success in life with our stuff and the stuff of others.
Not only that, but we parade around our busy-ness. We’re in competition with others about how busy we are. Like, “Oh, you think you’re busy! You should hear about how busy I am!”
As if busyness is synonymous with importance. If you’re not busy, you must be lazy. Busyness is seen by society as a sign of success. So often people work their lives away. Wasting their health, vitality and youthfulness, missing precious moments with their loved ones, saving up their time for the elusive retirement, which may never come. How many times have you heard the devastating story of the couple who had worked tirelessly their whole lives, about to set off on the ‘trip of a lifetime’ together in retirement, only for one of them to fall ill, lose their mobility, or have a sudden heart attack, and that is how the story ends? Such a shame to have wasted their precious time, health and vitality.
When you picture success, what does it look like? Is it working constantly to pay for all your stuff? Is it all worth it in the end? Or are we better off to enjoy a humble existence, spending the present moment with the people who matter, while we have the time?
For me, success looks like having a thriving vegetable and flower garden, content outdoor kids, free-ranging animals, the occasional weekend away at the beach, bushwalking or having fun with friends. Having time to write, paint, garden, make jam, bake banana bread, go guppy catching or swimming at the dam with the kids. I could have all these things today, but busyness prevents me from having the TIME to be able to do and enjoy these things. So, what’s the point?
Sometimes I wonder, maybe, as a society, we’re busying ourselves so much to avoid all our emotional baggage. We don’t want to slow down for long enough for our discontent to catch up with us? We don’t want to slow down and question what we are living for, what our purpose is here on Earth? Instead, we keep going through the motions. Numbing ourselves, with this lifestyle of consumerism, so that we don’t have to face the truth of our own discontent. Our unhappiness. Unfulfilled in life. Unsure of what we’re doing. Or knowing fully well that we’re not living up to our potential but avoiding the decision to choose ourselves. Sometimes we forget that work is just a role we play, in which we can be replaced. Don’t sacrifice yourself and your precious life for an employer who could replace you in a matter of weeks.
If any of this resonates for you, it’s worth touching base with yourself and remembering your “WHY?”. Your sense of purpose. Your reason for getting up every day. Your ikigai, as the Japanese call it. Ikigai (pronounced ee-key-guy) is a Japanese concept that translates to “a reason for being”. It could be a simple as “watching my children/grandchildren grow up”, or as broad as “helping others”. There’s no right or wrong, there’s only you and your reason for being.
I know that we can’t just run away. We have responsibilities and bills to pay. But I’m sure there are a few things we CAN do. Thankfully, I’ve had a chance to run away lately. I’m spending a weekend away on my own. To write, to nap, to do as little as I want. That’s an important thing for me to do – to maintain my sanity and reconnect with my purpose. Just to have a break. A break from the busyness. A break from the monotony of endless tasks and responsibilities. It’s so important to make sure that we have something to look forward to in our calendar. It doesn’t need to be anything extravagant. It could just be a coffee date at the end of the week with a friend, going to see some live music at the local pub, a date with your partner to play mini golf, or a catch up with your Mum at the markets. Something, anything, to break up the mundane. To bring a little magic into your life. A little joy and connection. It doesn’t have the be much. But it does need to give you some room to breathe. To inspire some joy and connection into your life and recharge your soul. To remind you of your reason for being.
Sometimes, I think I’m more suited to the season of Autumn, or Winter. I’m ready to wind down, potter in the garden and have lots of naps. But tough! I’m in the season of Summer, so I might as well enjoy it. Today, I’m going to take some of my own advice, and do less. Tell me, what season of life are you in and how are you going to bring less into your life?
Much Love,
MumOf3WR