I Spy
Playing a game of ‘I Spy’ in the car. Middle man’s turn. He pipes up, “I spy with my little eye somewhere that lots of people are buried”
Big Boy takes a guess, confidently shouting out, “A caravan park!”
It was a cemetery.
Flammable
Middle Man asks us, while sitting outside the bakery, eating cupcakes,
“Do you know what the most flammable hair is?”
“No”, we all say, eagerly anticipating the answer.
“Red hair” he responds, shrugging his shoulders.
There’s nothing more to say.
Yo Mumma Jokes
Middle Man: “How big is Brisbane (insert any city name here)?”
Big Boy: “The size of ya Mum!”
Me (The Mum): “Hey! I’m standing right here! … Also, you guys have the same Mum!?”
I’m not sure whether ‘Yo Mumma Jokes’ work with siblings.
Words my kids have made up
Cutified /kew-ti-fi-ed/ (verb) – when something is so cute that you can’t even deal with it.
“If I saw that kitten in real life, I’d be cutified!”
Meaniac /mee-nee-ak/ (noun) – a person who is both mean and crazy.
“Get out of here, you meaniac!”
Caschminity /ka-sh-min-a-tee/ (number) – a word used to describe the biggest number ever, when you don’t know numbers yet.
“When I’m an adult, I’ll work as an astronaut and have a caschminity dollars.”
Scun /sk-un/ (adjective) – an activity that is equal parts scary and fun.
“It was so scun when I went on the rollercoaster!”
Nicknames
Sometimes your kid comes back with a nickname so good that you just have to go with it, even if it’s inappropriate.
Our cat ‘Skittles’ has a real tendency to poop, everywhere.
Middle Man suggested one day, “Maybe we should call him ‘Shittles’?”
We could not hold back the laughter on this one.
Once we’d composed ourselves.
We, the parents, said, “Great nickname, mate. But don’t call him that at school.”
Where did you learn language like that!?
I hear a rummaging in the cupboard one day, while I’m standing in the kitchen.
Middle Man: “Bullshit! There’s no snacks left!”
Me: “Excuse me! Where did you learn language like that!? Have you been listening to other kids at school?”
Middle Man: “No, Mum.”
Me: “Oh, so it’s after school, at the skatepark, or the library?”
Middle Man: “No, Mum.”
Me: “Well then, where are you learning to use language like that!?”
Middle Man: “From you, Mum”
Me: “Hmmm, are you sure there’s no-one else at school or anything teaching you that sort of stuff!? Is there anyone else you know who uses swear words?”
Middle Man: “Dad swears too. So, yeah, you and Dad.”
Me: “Dammit”
Bum Sucker
Playing a game of ‘Talking Point’ with the boys at dinner time, we pulled out a card that read… “When you’re older, do you think you would get a tattoo? If so, what would you get and where?”
It’s Crazy Cat’s turn and he blurts out… “A vacuum cleaner”
We all start laughing.
“Where?” Big Boy asks.
Without a thought, he yells confidently, “On my bum!”
You can’t make this stuff up!!
(Image courtesy of a quick Google search – vacuum tattoo)
Fern Gully
Do you remember the movie, Fern Gully? It was one of my childhood favourites. I made the kids sit down and watch it with me, the other week, and it was so awesome. I hadn’t realised it was set in Australia, at Mt. Warning in NSW. I just loved it because it had the voice of Robin Williams – one of my childhood idols, and nature, fairies and animals.
Anyway, there’s this scene where the human, Zach, says to the Fairy, Crysta, that she’s a “Bodacious Babe”. Did I mention it was made in the 90’s?
After the movie finished, Middle Man kept calling us all “Delicious Dudes”. Definitely not the same, but hilarious.
Senior Toddler
Big Boy comes up to us recently, while we’re gathered around the kitchen. “Mum and Dad, I think you need to start calling me a young adult, ‘cos I’m 8 now, nearly 9.”
I say, “Nah, you’re not a young adult yet. Not even close. Young adult is after you turn 18 years old. You’re a kid.”
“That’s no fair. I’m not a kid. I’m nearly a young adult!”, Big Boy retorts.
Dad pipes up, “I know, let’s make a deal. We won’t call you a young adult, but we can call you a Senior Toddler”.
Big Boy rolls his eyes… “Kid will do”, and he walks off to his room.
Well played, Dad. Well played.
Airs and Graces
When we were considering making the move to our new town, we decided to stay a couple of nights there, in order to ‘get a feel’ for the place.
Staying at a sleepy caravan park, we were the only family there and the youngest by decades. This place was a sanctuary for Grey Nomads. Being aware of this, we tried our best to remind the kids to keep the noise down of an evening, and in the early morning. On our first morning there, it was after 7am and we’d exhausted all options for containing and entertaining, the Three Wild Rangas within the caravan walls.
“Can we go outside now?”, Crazy Cat asks.
I respond with a warning, “You can go outside, but keep the noise down, ‘cos other people staying here might still be sleeping”.
Middle Man barrels out through the caravan door, like a motorbike at full throttle, yelling,
“Woo… let’s let the farts out!!!”
I could have died.
Of laughter.
There goes any airs and graces of us being a respectable family.
That’s all for now. Please share your “Random things my kids say…” moments here, so we can all have a laugh.
Lots of love,
MumOf3WR