Describe Yourself in 3 Words

How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

I heard something similar to this on the Netflix series ‘Boy Swallows Universe’, based on the novel by Australian Author, Trent Dalton. Brilliant book, audiobook and TV series if you have the time to check it out. An editor in the story, asks the lead character, Eli, to give him the headline, in three words. Not an easy feat to tell a true crime story so succinctly. Or to describe a person for that matter.

I’ll give it a crack. I reckon I can describe myself in 2 words…

Consistently inconsistent.

If you’re anything like me, I’m sure that you can relate to this feeling of being ‘consistently inconsistent’.  I’ll set the scene.

Have you ever been in one of those moods where you just annoy yourself? You don’t want anyone around you, but you don’t want to be alone. You want to get things done, but you’re too unmotivated or scatterbrained to do anything. It’s like no matter what you or anyone else does, you’re just going to be pissed off at the world. You can barely stand your own company!

It reminds me of this meme I saw one time…

 

 

 

This is me. More often than I’d like to admit. What’s worse, I’ve begun to think this might be a part of my personality. I’ll be happy for a little while and feel like I’ve got a good amount of ‘balance’ in my life. The right mix of doing things for myself, doing things for others, and contributing to the greater good. I’ve worked for months to line all of these things up, just so, things start to ramp up a bit and then the next day, I wake up like…

“Fuck it all! I’m not doing anything, anymore. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t like people. I just want to be… out in the garden… with my animals… at the beach… (insert alternative activity here)!! Don’t even talk to me!!”

It’s exhausting. I’m exhausting!

I’ve worked out over the years through journaling that this pattern, for me, seems to go in 3-monthly cycles. I’m calling it the ‘Good-Great-Fucked Cycle’. The end part of the cycle can creep up slowly, over a few weeks, or all at once in a single day. (Refer to infographic)

 

 

It’s quite the roller coaster ride as you can see, and my husband and family come along for the ride with me every time. I’m constantly changing my mind!

Side Note: I’m aware that I’m doing a lot of ‘overgeneralising’ – a cognitive distortion talked about by psychologists, along with catastrophizing and all-or-nothing thinking etc. We all tend to use these to some degree. Google ‘cognitive distortions’ for yourself and see how many you recognise in yourself and others (I’ll add a link at the end). I learnt about these in my social work studies. I’ve even ‘challenged them’ while in session with my psychologist over the years. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to default to using them when shit gets too difficult!

I suspect I’m in the ‘Fucked’ part of the cycle at the moment. All I can say is I feel exhausted and the energy is heavy! The feeling is that I regret every decision I’ve made that has led me to this point in my life. That’s a hella harsh and over-the-top thought to have! But, that’s just where I’m at right now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll awake feeling like I’ve had a ‘reset’. I’ll start again and be feeling good. Or maybe I’ll still have a bit longer to spend in this ‘fucked’ stage of the cycle. Who knows?

Can I change this part of me? Can I be more consistent? Can I be rid of the cycle once and for all? I have no idea. Probably not, but I can be aware of it. I’m becoming more aware of it over the years. This awareness has made a huge difference in how I approach life, and my relationships with myself and others. Being aware means that I can pull myself up in the moment and be able to put on the brakes for a minute and just sit with what I’m feeling (rather than jumping into action mode and throwing a hand grenade into the life that I’ve built, blowing it to smithereens in an impulsive, dramatic moment of self-sabotage).

If I could use three more words to describe myself, I’d say…

Thoughtful, Fun and Loving.

So, how would you describe yourself in 3 words? I’d love to hear from you. 

 

Boy Swallows Universe – https://www.avidreader.com.au/p/boy-swallows-universe 

More about ‘cognitive distortions’ – https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions#types